Her mothers' voice

“I haven’t got a father.”

She said and took a pause to watch over her friend’s face.

“But thank you. You need not pity me.”

She stressed the thank-you part as if she does not care a hoot about those two words. She did not want the friend to respond either. Like in a monologue she continued.

“I have no father, because my mother chose not to have one.”

There was a pause, once again.

“She was lesbian.”

She wanted the pause to give emphasis to her own statement.

“I have two mothers. And I don’t think I will ever need a father. You may be wondering about my biological father though.”

She took a sip before resuming. She saw her friend’s nod as an approval.

“He should be somewhere. But a medical student for sure. My mothers wanted to have medical student genes in me, because they are doctors too.”

She smiled with her friend. She was relieved. She felt relieved because she could come out with some heavy burden. She could not get herself to come out with this burden of truth anywhere else. After all, this is Colombo, not some Las Vegas. They won’t accept any hippie culture down here.

She thought of her mothers. Why should she call them, when she could conveniently – and confidently – call them mothers? Her mothers are brave. They are brave not to care a hoot about what others would think of them. But will she have the same courage? Isn’t it a bit unfair by her for having to undergo all this stigma burden?

Her lifestyle was not accepted among her relatives. In fact, she had no relatives. No relatives would welcome either her or mothers. 

Back in the box

The grandson used to play Monopoly with his grandmother every year. But he never had a single chance to win the game. Grandma was monopolizing the win. This puzzled him. Plus, it was humiliating.

Grandson once inquired his grandma how that happens.

“Son,” grandma said, “it’s all about acquiring and owning things. In this game, I try my best to acquire and own properties and houses as much as possible. That is the success of my life too.”

Grandson listened in silence. He took care not to forget a single word. When they played the game next year, grandson won the game.

“Look grandma, I listened to your words last time and this time I could beat you.”

Grandma smiled.

“Son, I am so proud of you. You have done so well in the game. But son, you got to keep this in mind too. Whatever you acquire and own, you have to put them back in the box when the game is over.”

I remember my whole family (my wife and parents) was present when my brother narrated this tale. That was the day when he gifted me a saffron-coloured notebook. My brother wanted to encourage us all, but the story inspired me in particular. It encouraged me to practise letting go.

True, there are things you cannot simply let go. But in my life, there is only a few that is hard to let go.

Now, this moment!

The foreign monk concept is no alien concept to Sri Lanka. The country had been maintaining excellent diplomatic relations with other Buddhist countries well before the European arrival. The country leaders always made it a point to exchange gifts with each other. Many foreign monks came to Sri Lanka as a result, keenly interested in studying and following the Buddha’s teachings.

It is doubtful, however, if any of those monks could make an impact the local audience like Ajahn Brahm did.

His visit to Sri Lanka, this Poson, has become a much looked-forward to event among Buddhists. You would naturally inquire why all this fuss for a simple foreign monk when there is quite a number of virtuous monks in this country. That inquiry is valid as long as you have no idea who this Ajahn Brahm really is. The more you study Ajahn’s life, times and work, the more your question looks ignorant.

Because Ajahn Brahm (lesser known as Ajahn Brahmavamso Mahathera) is unique.

Ajahn Brahm’s uniqueness could be accredited to two reasons: first, his preaching style; second, his contents.

He is quite active while he delivers the Dhamma talk. He would laugh out aloud, and at times makes the audience burst out with laughter with what he himself calls silly jokes. Then he narrates stories, more from his own life than the scriptures. If he takes stories from the scriptures, he would deconstruct them to suit his audience, mostly Australian, Singaporean and Indonesian.

He has compiled 108 of those stories into a compilation called ‘Opening the Door of Your Heart’, which is available in Sinhala as well. The last story, 108th one, in his ‘Opening the Door of Your Heart, offers a symbolic meaning: no matter how much you listen to and read these stories, it is of no use if you choose to dwell in the same quagmire without attempting to gain happiness.

Ajahn Brahm’s teachings are diverse, which could be segmented into three main categories: 1. Talking to the popular audience 2. Meditation 3. Dealing with more serious Dhamma matters, meant for monks. Although he would mostly combine the second with first, he is cautious never to interfuse it into the third, which is the most serious of all.

His mainstream books (he has various booklets published as well) are distinctively different from each other. Some of his books are ‘Opening the Door of Your Heart’, ‘Good? Bad? Who Knows?’ (sequel to ‘Opening the Door’), ‘Happiness through Meditation’, ‘Wisdom Born of Stillness’, ‘The Art of Disappearing’ and ‘Simply this Moment’.

This is not to undermine the Sri Lankan monk in general, but Ajahn Brahm’s style is quite distinctive that it is hard to imagine a local monk equipped with those characteristics. His western upbringing as well as the influence from his Thai master Ajahn Chah would have contributed to this. His western upbringing gave him the courage and confidence to deal with subjects such as sex, while the training under Ajahn Chah offered him a foundation to interpret Dhamma in a witty manner.

Once reproaching Ajahn Sumedho, Ajahn Chah stressed on the fact that Dhamma talks should be given without prior preparation. If it is prepared, Ajahn elaborated, it holds no credibility. You could exert so much information from Dhamma books, but that is scholarship – the Dhamma talk is yet another lecture.

Intriguingly, the Arahants during the Buddha’s time never made use of books to deliver Dhamma talks. Ajahn Chah emphasized the importance of delivering Dhamma talks based on practical experience. For instance, if you deal with Jhana as the subject of your Dhamma talk, you should have experienced Jhana in the first place.

That is how Ajahns emerge – with practice. You are entitled to the title of Ajahn – which is teacher in Thai, derived from Pali Acharya – only when you could claim sufficient experience of Dhamma practice.

Ajahn Chah was instrumental in combining forest and village traditions. In his tradition, a forest monk would dedicate some time for the community service as well. Ajahn Chah undoubtedly foresaw the importance of this tradition-combination. The laity could be much more benefited when the forest-based monk delivers a Dhamma talk as he is dealing with practical knowledge.

Ajahn Brahm did not just parachute from the heavens. He was practising the Dhamma alone for quite a long time before he finally came in for community communication. Looking at him, it is hard to believe he is actually 63 years.

His teachings have many controversial elements which have a great appeal for the modern generation. He applies his pet subject, ‘loving kindness’, even in places where it is almost unthinkable. It might be difficult to control your anger in the first instance, second instance, or may be even the third instance, but that is quite all right – Ajahn would teach. You don’t have to be annoyed with yourself for not being able to control your anger. He would also draw many examples and similes to elaborate his subject.

He was once questioned whether he knew he has a facebook account made by a fan. Responding to the question, Ajahn said it is quite all right to be active in facebook but what is important is practice. “Ajahn Chah taught us only a little. He did not want us to keep on listening to him. So spreading Dhamma in facebook is not enough. You have to practise it, now, this moment.”